


One Side

by praeliatis (untilpeace_thestorm)



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dialogue-Only, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2016-09-06
Packaged: 2018-08-12 20:08:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7947340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/untilpeace_thestorm/pseuds/praeliatis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For Buffy, Angel, and Spike, nothing is ever easy. But their paths have crossed again, and it's time someone takes a chance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Admission

**Author's Note:**

> This is an experiment of tone and story. Each chapter is a conversation seen only from one side -- one perspective.

He'd fight like hell so you have the right to sit down with a bowl of popcorn and watch a movie. But indulge in it himself? He can't. It's too hard to justify against what he's chosen to be.

He's not who he was when he was with you. He can't be. I think it eats at him every day, especially now you're here in his life, but he still can't go backwards. He's made a hell of a lot of progress. Question is if you can accept it.

You love him. It's obvious that hasn't changed from when we first met. No, I don't blame you.

What, figured it out, have you?

Yeah. Hurts the same as it did when I realized it about you. But I feel it. Not ashamed. Reckon you understand better than most, considering.

It's tough, pet. It was never easy with him. I won't say I loved him back then because there was a lot more going on, but I was...interested, guess you could say. He's always been something to look at, there's no question. You never even saw him at the height of his power.

No, it's different. Not saying he's weak now, but he's more...inhibited. Take a minute and imagine him without the restraint, you’ll see what I mean.

None of it was what you might call healthy, but it was fun. I admired the hell out of him. Considered myself lucky to be around the magnificent son of a bitch.

You sound like him. I'm not like you. Either of you. Heroes and champions. I'm just...me.

You’re sweet. You really don't know how remarkable you are, do you?

Right, yeah. We were talking about him.

He doesn't love you any less. Any dolt can see that. He's just...an insufferable git who thinks he knows what's best for everyone. Micromanaging ponce.

I know, I know. Doesn't mean I can't see how big of an idiot he is. And I mean that. Enormous. He needs some exercise.

I will not.

Ah...you ask the hard ones. It's complicated.

Fine.

You weren't in Los Angeles yet. It was during the worst of it. We got on a plane and headed back to good old England. Never flown before, either of us. You would have laughed to see.

We weren't there for anything good. It was...horrible, really. I can't begin to tell you. But if I can get past it for a moment, and if I have to be honest...there was something about being there on old stomping grounds. With him. Working together. In a way we hadn't in over a century.

I mean it was seamless. It was easy. It was fun. It felt like old times, only we weren't terrorizing anyone. It was better. Got me thinking.

Truth is, I still admire him. I think he's a self-important twat who could stand to have a little more fun, but he's gone and done it. He’s a real hero. He's worked bloody hard to get there. Don't know what I would do alone for so long like that.

Yeah, 'course I'll stay. Do you want the kettle corn this time?

On it.

Yeah?

We let him be. For now. He'll come back to us.


	2. Pursuit

We would have gone with you.

No, stop. Please just stop. I don't care how hard it is for you to hear it. You don't have to do everything alone all the time.

You're going to sit and you're going to listen, okay? We haven't had a chance to do… _this_ yet.

Thanks.

I'm not a kid anymore. And it's okay. Really. I'm good. I've done the growing up thing and I guess that's still happening and really, I'm dealing. 

I...I don't expect anything from you that you aren't...that isn't already....

Sorry, I'm not good with the feelings speeches.

He's so much better at this than me. Than you.

I know you know.

He told me something once that put in words not only how it is between us, but me and you, too. I never realized how clear it could be before. I love _you_. Not because of what you are to me, but because of who you are and everything you’ve done. 

You always had it in you. Look at you — you're so incredible. You don't even know it. I see it. We see it. We know it.

You two are so similar sometimes. He said the same thing. Guess it's an old people phrase.

I like it when you smile.

I know it's not easy. In case you haven’t noticed, nothing ever is with us, but aren't you tired of...not having what you want?

Me too.

Wow. You really do know him well.

I do. I wasn't sure for a while, I wasn’t sure if I could, but I do. And I love you. Is that...okay?

There's something...special about him. It's so hard to explain. He's not like anyone else. He sees things differently. You and I...we deal with things the same way. We push people away and deal. But he...

Yeah, I kinda thought you'd know what I mean. You saw it too, didn't you?

Even back then?

I never thought of it that way before. You chose him too. That's...wow.

Sorry, I was thinking.

He's sensitive, you know. Right, of course you do. I just mean...it's like he's starving for something. Half the time he's the same...swaggering around with a comment on everything, driving you or me or both of us crazy. But the rest of the time…

If he knew how you felt...

Yeah. I guess. You're not the only one who messed things up, though.

I used him too.

Oh...

God, this is nice. I've missed this.


	3. Apology

You don't seem surprised. 

Well, I wouldn't call it predicable myself. Not uncommon, maybe, but it's not like I've been going around tying random people up lately. 

Watch your tongue, boy. 

You're not the wide-eyed thing you were anymore. Don't you remember? After a while, this was the only way to guarantee your full attention. 

Right, there is something missing from those times. Does it make a difference?

I see. 

Better? 

Believe it or not, though I'd rather you did, I don't want to see you hurt. 

I know that's saying something right now. Hang on. Let me get a bandage. 

Hush. I know what I'm doing. Just gonna apply some pressure. There. 

I want you to understand something. And I want you to think about what I'm going to say to you. 

We are not alike. 

I'm not _trying_ to shock you, I'm trying to help you understand. 

I didn't have anyone. I ran. I exiled myself. I ran some more. I moved from place to place and didn't let myself near anyone else if I could help it. I let people die. I saved someone. I turned someone. I ran again. I seized an opportunity. I punished myself. Then someone showed me her. 

I never told you that part. I was in Manhattan at the time. Brought to Los Angeles. Saw her. Watched her. Came to understand what it was she was up against. I decided I wanted to help. 

Yeah, yeah. You're right. I was in love with her already. Is that a surprise? 

Huh. 

So I trained up, learned to fight again, and followed when she moved. In the beginning I tried to keep my distance. I did. But everything got complicated. 

Point is, I know what it's like. She changed everything for me. She's incredible. Unique. Beautiful. Strong. And she cares. That means more than anything else. She's inspiring without ever trying to be. She's flawed — of course she is. But she tries. She fights. 

I'm glad you have her in your life, especially now. It's so important. It's good for you. 

Quiet. Stop struggling. I'm releasing you. 

What?

You don't want me to leave. You want...oh. 

I can't promise that. 

I -- you don't know what you're asking. 

I can't. I look at her and I know how badly I've messed things up. But I look at you and...

I loathe myself. The things I did to you...they're not forgivable. They're also impossible to take back. I know that. It's best if I just...go. I can't be part of this. You two...you deserve a chance. I have to...

I'm sorry.


End file.
